Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
