Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
