I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
