Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
