I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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