Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
