well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
be right there i have to get my cape
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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