just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
