there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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