Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she looked like the before picture.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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