I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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