i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
