Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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