i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
