he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
