I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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