I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
