If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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