Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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