She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
my liver is dry heaving
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
