i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
