Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
