Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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