You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
