mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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