Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
false alarm. still invincible.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
