Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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