I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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