I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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