Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Someone shattered a urinal.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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