i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize