I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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