jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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