Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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