That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
as a side note pls kill me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
