maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
