What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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