I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
All I want is dick and wine.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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