I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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