I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
