Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
