I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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