when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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