and she was petting her beer can
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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