According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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