I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sorry about my life...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
