Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
