Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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