This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize