We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
