I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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