I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
