the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
