First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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