Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
