He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
