I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
