i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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