You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
