good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize