weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
