Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
God, I missed his penis.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
