i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
