OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I need moral support for this bender
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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