my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
