Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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