Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Found your dick twin last night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
