she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
