I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
