plz talk dirty to me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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