She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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