my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
