If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize