she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
