I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
