Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
