Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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