dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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