Swine flu. Run for my life!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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