my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
