dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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