stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
