hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
