Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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