So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
