If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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