god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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