I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
