my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
