I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
