nut hugger
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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