you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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