Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
