JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
In America we eat man semen.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think a kid would responsible me up
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
