Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
