the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
